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Advice

Pet Talk: Why doesn’t my cat always come back, if let out at night?

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DEAR PET TALK: My cat wants to go outside all the time. We have a yard, so sometimes we let her out. But sometimes she doesn’t come back at night. What can we do? — Cat Lover

DEAR CAT LOVER: Back when we were all farmers, it was considered normal to keep a cat outdoors in the barn, to catch the mice that ate the grain you fed to your livestock. However, in the modern world, cats can live a safe and contented life inside. The anxiety you will experience when kitty doesn’t come home will be painful. I know a cat who disappeared for a week — from Saturday to Saturday — and when she returned, the owners surmised she’d been locked in the garage of a weekend mechanic. Kitty survived, but the owner was a nervous wreck!

However, some cats are determined to get outside (“Me-OUT!”). The wisest course of action if your cat is an indoor/outdoor cat is to get them in before dusk. At night, enticing little rodents and insects get active, and their scuttling about makes it more difficult to persuade kitty to come inside. Train your cat to come inside by offering a treat as a reward at the same time every day.

The dangers cats face outdoors, particularly at night, are substantial. These include: cars, loose dogs, wild animals (coyotes, fishers) and even other (possibly feral) cats. Your cat could be at risk for contracting FIV and/or FELV if there is a fight. Consider the following: leash train your cat, and spend time with him outside, so his little paws can touch grass and ground.

Cats also can get lost at night if there is rain or snowfall, as they depend on scent to make their way home. Indoor cats will form a closer bond with their human, and are more likely to seek affection and attention. Plus you will sleep more peacefully knowing your cat is inside.

Sally Cragin is the director of “Be PAWSitive: Therapy Pets and Community Education.” Follow the organization on Facebook, post questions there, or call or text 978-320-1335. 

Pet Talk: Helping dogs with separation anxiety post pandemic

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DEAR PET TALK: I adopted my dog after he had been rescued from being a stray. He is very attached to me. I can’t even go to the bathroom without him breaking in to sit at my feet. Does my dog have abandonment and separation anxiety?

— Needy Dog’s Parent 

DEAR NEEDY DOG’S PARENT: It’s amazing how tuned in our animals are and how much a dog wants to be a “life partner” with its owner. However, it sounds like you’re suffering from something you heard a lot about in the 1990s: co-dependence. A dog that’s extremely needy definitely needs more activity in his life. This can range from exercise, or even performing small jobs that might be “breed specific”(for example, running or chasing items for herding breeds, or giving hounds opportunities for lots of sniffing). Experts recommend 20 to 30 minutes of aerobic exercise a day. Can you take your dog walking or jogging? If your dog isn’t getting enough exercise, neurotic behaviors could escalate. Also, consider how you communicate with your dog, and log your interaction. One study recommended that a well-trained dog will respond 85% of the time to one-word verbal cues such as “sit,” “down,” “come” and “quiet.”  Make sure that your dog is rewarded with praise and petting for desired behaviors.

Sally Cragin is the director of “Be PAWSitive: Therapy Pets and Community Education.” Visit Be PAWSitive on Facebook, post questions there, or call or text 978-320-1335. 

Pet Talk: What to look out for with ticks and Lyme disease

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DEAR PET TALK: The weather is warm and we are worried about ticks carrying Lyme disease. What do we look out for?

— Worried

DEAR WORRIED: You have good reason to be worried — ticks are pervasive and keeping your pet healthy includes doing a “tick check” after you and your dog have been out of doors, particularly in wooded or grassy areas.

The MSPCA reports that Lyme disease is caused by the spirochete bacteria Borrelia burgdorferi. The disease is transmitted to humans and dogs by the nymph and adult stages of the black-legged tick, Ixodes scapularis. In New England, 50-75% of dogs tested may be positive for Lyme disease, however, the MSPCA reports that about 10% of Lyme-positive dogs will develop clinical illness.

Dogs that develop Lyme disease (which may occur two to five months after exposure) will have acute or subacute arthritis. A dog may show sudden lameness or signs of extreme pain. Joints may be swollen, hot and painful to the animal when touched.

Some dogs become depressed and are reluctant to move. The test for Lyme is enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay if your dog has not been vaccinated against Lyme. Antibiotics are the treatment of choice for Lyme disease in dogs, as in humans.

Also, our experts recommend flea and tick prevention and you’ll find the most reputable products purchased from a veterinary practice — not a pet store or online. For example, the Preventic Collar gets high marks but doesn’t cover fleas and can’t be used if cats are in the household.

Sally Cragin is the director of  Be PAWSitive: Therapy Pets and Community Education. Find the organization on Facebook and questions there, or call or text 978-320-1335

Pet Talk: Not so stupid pet tricks

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DEAR PET TALK: I’m really glad the circus will not be using wild animals in their shows anymore. But at the same time, I want to teach my pet some tricks. Any suggestions?

— DOG AND CATS 4EVA

DEAR DOGS AND CATS 4EVA: I’m glad the circus made this decision as well. It’s stressful enough for wild animals to be out of a natural environment without being harassed by humans. Our species has its problems, but continued raised awareness of the sanctity of letting wildlife be is a hopeful sign.

Let’s start with dogs; they like to please the humans in their life. Dogs are more likely to “learn” tricks because of their multimillennial relationship with our species.

First — think small. Training should be sessions of no more than three to five minutes in a place with no distractions. Before tricks, do start with basic commands: “Sit,” (rump on floor), “Lie down” (front paws on floor, head above floor). You can teach the latter by having your pup watch your finger as you put it down on the floor while saying “Lie down.” (Treat training will also work — but work on getting your dog to follow your directions just with voice commands as soon as you can). With “give me paw,” or “paw,” do the following. Say “Paw,” and gently lift dog’s paw. Give him a treat. Do it again. Repeat several times. Dogs need time to have instructions installed on their hard drive, so to speak.

Cats are trickier. They may have natural behaviors which can “turn into” a trick with repetition. Spenser, our family cat (also a member of TheraPAWS, with Be PAWSitive Therapy Pets) is 13 years old. We adopted him when he was 12, and found that if we threw a sparkly ball on the floor, he would fetch and retrieve it. No other ball would do. We didn’t teach him, but that’s what he likes to do. But if you put a treat in your hand and close your fist he will “tap” your hand with his paw to get the treat. Cats can be very treat-motivated, and an easy trick is to hold a treat above your cat’s nose and slowly raise it so they rise up (briefly) on their hind legs. Cat treats range from two to four calories each, so break in half to reduce calorie intake.

Sally Cragin is the director of Be PAWSitive: Therapy Pets and Community Education. Visit on Facebook and text questions to: 978-320-1335, or email sallycragin@gmail.com.

Hopeful Thinking: Communion of the Spirit

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I heard an argument recently about nonbelievers receiving holy communion in church. In Catholicism, it is explicitly warned against giving communion to non-Catholics. In other types of Christian churches, the rule varies, but widely.

The case in favor of giving communion to all rests on the welcoming and hospitable nature of Christianity’s central figure, Jesus of Nazareth. Full stop. Yet, referencing the apostle Paul, I read one pastor’s opinion that giving communion to nonbelievers is not only wrong, it’s cruel.

Might that be a starkly anti-Jesus rendering of Paul’s intent? Paul says that we should be “worthy” to receive it, not necessarily be a “believer.” Now define worthy. (I’ll wait …) Now define believer. (I won’t bother to wait.)

This, however, is not a bash at Catholicism. Even knowing its conflicts and crimes, there is also elegant and meaningful theology there and a sense of belonging, comforting tradition. I am speaking of individual interpretations that need some fine-tuning and to be nudged toward a greater respect for teachings over traditions. There is room for everyone at the table. Make room.

The act of communion, as we recognize it in western culture, comes primarily through various denominations of the Christian tradition representing Jesus’s last supper. But the act of ritually breaking bread and the passing of the cup is a longstanding ceremony of blessing across cultures and times. It is something we are many of us subconsciously missing out on in our lives because we’re familiar with only one predominant version of the tradition, and happen to find it not to our taste. But there are other ways of considering the table.

If we are to celebrate spiritual diversity, let’s turn some rocks over and understand them better. Let’s ask questions and invite people in. Let’s use our intrinsic human need to gather together to encourage one another. Across differences. To connect with the divine. To slow one’s heartbeat and breathing for a little while. To be at ease. And safe.

Rituals are ingrained in our DNA, poetically speaking. (Perhaps.) They are hardwired into our culture. Rituals comfort us and encourage us. They remind us of our inherent belonging. We are one tribe. Let’s break bread together as an act of friendship and mutual blessing. May you never hunger. May you never thirst. Blessed be. Amen.

I’m spending some time lately on this ritual in my congregations. In Lancaster tomorrow it will be a new version of the bread and wine, in Fitchburg in June it will be pinecones representing the seat of consciousness. Last week, Lancaster had a sea glass communion that was very moving.

I outline this because I want to point out there is more than one way to ritually commune with our neighbor. Seek one for yourself. Break bread. Share yourself. Listen to others. Get out there and mingle. If you’re looking for Jesus’s permission to be innovative with the action of loving your neighbor, you have it.

But there is also a message in the bottle of the communion ritual, intrinsic to all of its various traditions. It is the lesson of hospitality. The rituals give us a reason to come together. The invitation and welcome to the table is a reason to reach out to others. The purpose of these actions is to enhance our ability to be hospitable. Then, possibly a bit empathetic. And then, just maybe seeing your neighbor as yourself. It’s all a plot.

When you share a moment, you share your spirit. When two or more gather in the name of love, the love is there, manyfold.

All communion rituals have the same two objectives: to bless and to create belonging. Say a prayer before dinner, just words of belonging and love and gratitude. Make it your own. Give someone a smooth stone and show them you have one that matches it. Give someone a sandwich and wish them well. Shake someone’s hand and look them in the eye. That is all communion.

Wil Darcangelo, M.Div, is the minister at the First Parish UU Church of Fitchburg and of the First Church of Christ, Unitarian in Lancaster. Email wildarcangelo@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @wildarcangelo. His blog, Hopeful Thinking, can be found at www.hopefulthinkingworld.blogspot.com.

Parenting Forward: Call your mother

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Let’s call Mother’s Day what it really is: a celebration of life. It’s a commemoration of all the sacrifices your mother made for you. It’s a time to reflect on the cold hard truth and warm and fuzzy fact that you simply wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for your mom.

Plain and simple. Intricate and complex.

It’s fantastic to think there is a perfect mom and a perfect time and place to be a mom. Or a kid, for that matter. That might hold true in romantic novels, or Hollywood facades or even on the other side of a neighborhood fence, but the honest truth is that there is no perfection in motherhood unless you define perfection as messy and challenging and fraught with all kinds of unknowns.

For this alone, each mom deserves a gold medal and a ticker tape parade for her courage and faith to embark on the selfless journey it took to bring you up.

The perfect time to be a mom is when you become one. From there on out it is a life’s work of blood, sweat and tears even in the face of no guarantees.

It’s no secret that modern motherhood somewhere along the line became something quite different than that of our mothers’ as today two incomes are the norm to support a family, a family typically much smaller than our grandparents’ raised. Generations ago the majority of moms experienced marriage at younger ages than today as well as pushing the baby in the baby carriage.

Still moms remain powerful people in our society. A mom will stop at nothing to protect her children. She is the finder, she is the nurturer. Each decision she makes she considers her family’s welfare first, whether she stays at home or works or volunteers, she also runs the household.

A good mom always sets a good example for her kids. Through her actions she teaches work ethic and sacrifice, and at the same time, she is a role model for her kids. She doesn’t shy away from letting her child try. She knows how failure can be the best teacher. She knows how perseverance can be the successful student.

Moms are willing to be interrupted, but not without instilling the manners it requires. Moms are patient and show their tenacity every time they have to repeat a polite reminder. They see the long game as the big prize and they put in the long hours to get there with steely reserve in the name of their child.

Mom deserves chocolates. Mom gets accolades and toasts. She is complimented.

Send her flowers for all the sleepless nights. The 2 a.m. feedings, the ones she stayed up waiting for you to make curfew, and when you didn’t, the ones she made sure you were okay, before she made sure you were held accountable.

Take her out and thank her for the few hundred thousand dollars it costs to raise you.

Write her a letter lauding her for all she has done to make sure you got your doctors well check ups and your dentist appointments. Your band-aids and your bedtime stories. Your rides to school, activities, part-time jobs, and to friends’ homes. Recognize all she gave when you needed someone to hold your hand when you were sick, or a shoulder when you were sadly disappointed, or a calm ear when you were so very angry. When you needed to come home from a sleepover in the middle of the night. Because you flunked when she advised rightly you should study.

When you hug her reiterate how much you appreciate her demonstrating what it means to be civil toward others, even those who will sometimes disagree, and how to make a case for those things that matter to you. She taught you how to stand up for yourself with confidence simply by being honest and being humble all at the same time. And by supporting your ideas and actions with substance, always striving to accept your emotions as natural and yet resisting the temptation to weaponize your feelings or someone else’s.

Thank her for showing you what is good and beautiful whenever it’s present, and for striving to reach those ideals; at the same time, learning to see what is ugly and wrong and how to accept your own flaws.

Don’t gloss anything. Real life shines all by itself and the truth is you wouldn’t be here without her.

Call your mother. Tell her you love her.